I finally feel like everything is going to be okay.
It has been extremely difficult lately, moving to a new city with a temporary job that I desperately want to turn into something permanent. But I know I can do it. I know I am smart and can offer something most people can’t. And I have a feeling it’s going to happen.
Sometimes I wonder, how the hell did I make it through these last two years in London and now DC?
Love is something I always think about. I found love and I lost love. I do miss him sometimes and how he made me feel, but I have to move on. And I think I am finally taking the right steps to get there. Que sera sera.
It’s hard for to believe in love most days, however. My dad cheated on my mom. I always think, how can someone cheat on my mother, who is the most perfect human being? It happens more often than I would like to believe. I hate when people use the ‘biology’ excuse – that biologically men have to put their fucking sperm in everything.
I’ve ventured into the dating world these last couple of years and I have never felt more expendable in my life. People don’t know how to communicate anymore, myself included, but I am getting so much better at it. And I am slowly realizing that these so-called men are missing out on someone incredible and exciting, because I finally genuinely believe that I am that person.
For the first time in a long time, I feel sexy and confident. I’m getting back into making music, which was one of the few things in my life that made me feel whole. I’m doing things I wouldn’t normally do – like swimming. I’m finally letting go and floating. I’ve gone to concerts and had dinner alone (the restaurants in Shirlington all know me on a first name basis at this point). I’m happy with who I am and the person I’m becoming.
I truly believe that in the next couple of months, my love life and career will completely fall into place. Everything is going to be okay. It will always be okay.