Dear New York,
My friend Dez painted a beautiful picture of you in my mind. This girl is special. Skyscraper-tall with Swedish and Spanish roots, a pure joy for life, and never without a friend, it was surprising to learn that she sometimes felt toute seule in a city that openly accepts her for her looks and personality. I should know. Walking down the street with her elicits so many head-turns and stares.
Whenever she feels lonely, she likes to put on her headphones and wander through Times Square, my least favorite part of the city. But for her, it represents a prism of identities and a chance to people-watch openly. Port Authority is near Times Square, so many different kinds of people are always filtering in-and-out. Times Square is the only sure thing anyone who has never been to New York knows – it is definitive of the concrete jungle. “Now you’re in New York, there’s nothing you can’t do” seems to whisper in the wind as you pass every suit, impractical heel, and blinding neon light.
When I imagine this 6 foot Spanish/Swedish eclectic amazon wandering the streets of New York in her Custo Barcelona garb, headphones on, and watching the mere mortals around her, I can’t help but think, “How can this girl feel alone?”
That is what New York does to you when you have known this city as long as I have. The magic is gone. Too many memories have been made. I can’t walk down a certain street without imagining him at the corner, just coming from an interview. I can’t eat at those restaurants, go to certain spots in Central Park, the High Line, etc. without feeling pain. I can’t forget the first kiss by the water and our movie theatre. I still really care about him, but the feelings were never completely reciprocated on his part. The word casual is the kiss of death.
You know that movie Definitely, Maybe, New York? It took place in your city. Remember when Will Hayes said, “New York was finally coming to me”? That was me last year, but this year I truly feel like everything has been falling apart.
It’s not just the memories making me hate you all over again, New York. I can’t stand the balmy summer, the rushing pace, the miserable faces, the lack of respect for one another. You used to make me feel special, New York, but lately you have been making me angry. All the fucking time.
I’m honestly terrified about the future, New York. You helped me build my foundation, my confidence and for that I am eternally grateful, but I think it’s time that we part for now.
You will always be my city and I know I will come back stronger than ever, but I have to go.